MESSAGE OF THE DAY:
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.
Remember, when someone
annoys you it takes 42
muscles in your face to frown BUT, it only takes 4
muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap
the
motherfucker upside the head...
pass it on.....
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and
asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What
are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million
Iraqis and one blonde with big boobs.
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde
with big boobs?
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See,
smart ass! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
Quick Wit:
If my parents lived with me now, I'd get even. I'd make them sleep in separate bedrooms.
My mother would say, "What? Are you crazy? I've been sleeping with this man for years." I'd say, "Look, I don't care what
you do on the outside. But when you're in my house..."
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
The president went
to visit a nursing home.
He walked up to a lady in a wheel chair and said, "Mam, do you know who I am?" She answered,
pointing, "No sir I don't know who you are but if you go up to that desk they can tell you."
HEAVENS CLOCKS
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. She got there and looked around. She saw clocks all around her. She asked
Saint Peter, "What are the clocks for?" Saint Peter said, "The clocks only move when someone tells a lie. That is Mother Teresa's
clock. It's never moved. There's Abraham Lincoln's clock, it's only moved twice. He has only told two lies in his life." Hillary
asked, "Where's Bill's clock." Saint Peter replied, "Jesus has it in his office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
THE
UNDEAD
The pallbearers were carrying out the casket at the end of the funeral service when they accidentally bumped
into a wall, shaking up the casket. Hearing a faint moan, they opened the casket to find that the woman was actually alive.
So the woman went back home and lived for 10 more years. At the end of this period, she died and her funeral was held again
at the same place. At the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers carried out the casket. As they neared the wall, the husband
cried out: "Watch out for the wall!"
