BLONDS

HEAD AND SHOLDERS

A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets in who looks perfect -- 3-piece suit, great build, nice butt. The bad part is they both noticed he had dandruff. The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed, the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replied, "How do you give Shoulders?"

BLOND MOM

There were these three mothers out having dinner together. There was a brunette, red-head, and a blond. The brunette says; I was looking through my daughters bedroom and I found a pack of cigarettes, I didn't even know she smoked! Then the red-head said; Oh yea, Well I was looking in my daughters bedroom and I found a bottle of whiskey, I didn't even know she drank! Then the blond says; Well I was looking in my daughters bedroom and found a box of condoms, I didn't even know she had a penis!!

WHATS THAT NAME?

A blond woman goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying: "Ehhhh... 22."
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces: "Five foot two!" This isn't looking good. So the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or look up. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The woman bobs her head from side to side for about 15 seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying: "Sharon!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks: "What were you doing when I asked you your name?" "Ohhhh, that!" she replies. "I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....'"

ANOTHER BLOND ONE

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding
car on the freeway. As the officer peered through
the driver's window, he was astounded to
find that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver: "Pull over!" "No!" the blonde yelled back: "Scarf!"

I KNEW A BLOND WHO WAS SO STUPID THAT............

- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and
went home.

BLONDE JOKES

ONE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOUR
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIVE
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

BY HORSEBACK

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her fortune... the Wal-Mart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.